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Marathon Jewish
Community Center's Cyber Shul
Rosh Hashana 5768
Candle Lighting Time: Queens
Wednesday, September 12, 2007 6:52 P.M.
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Thursday, September 13, 2007 after 7:52 P.M.
Friday, September 14, 2007 6:48 P.M.
We often hear about the 10 Commandments. I thought I would share with the
10 Don’ts to help us start the New Year off to a better way of living.
"Ten Don’ts"
From Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories,
and insights
By Zelig Pliskin, Shaar Press
[1] DON’T be obsessed with the people you can’t help. Focus on the people
you can. You are a mortal. You, like everyone else, are limited. Obsessing
about what you can’t do prevents you from thinking about things you can
do.
[2] DON’T let the lack of kindness and giving of others influence you to
stop helping and giving. Some people feel resentful, "Other people aren’t
helping. Why should I?" We learn from role models. Learn from those who
are kind, not from those who aren’t.
[3] DON’T keep trying to help someone who truly doesn’t want your help.
Some people are very independent. They could gain from accepting your
help. But their need to be on their own is stronger than their wish for
your help. Be aware that some people really want your help but are
embarrassed about it. If you feel that is the situation, try to say things
to put the person at ease.
[4] DON’T give up too soon. Some people might think that you really won’t
be able to help them so they initially tell you not to bother. If you
Don’t give up, both you and the other person will see that he will gain
much more than he thought.
[5] DON’T complain that other people keep asking you to do things for
them. If others come to you for help, it’s an expression that they
believe you are a kind person. You might not be able to meet other
people’s needs right now, but by being aware of their needs, you might
think of a creative solution.
[6] DON’T tell anyone, "I had to go without this for a long time. So you
also
can go without it." Other people have a right to something even if you
didn’t
always have it. If you don’t want to help someone, just say a polite,
"No."
[7] DON’T be hurt if a selfish person complains that you are selfish. Some
selfish people try to manipulate giving people by telling them they are
selfish. Perhaps you are being selfish. Then again, perhaps not. You might
want to ask objective outsiders for their opinion.
[8] DON’T be naïve. Don’t believe every story you hear. If a story seems
questionable, check it out. If you have good reason to believe that
someone is lying to you, perhaps he is. But be very careful. Someone’s sad
story might not at first seem true, but it could very well be that it is.
A person who loves kindness would rather err on the possibility of helping
someone who doesn’t need it rather than not helping someone who does.
[9] DON’T say things that might cause someone to feel badly when you help
him. Some people might say things such as, "This is so difficult for me to
do. I don’t know why I agreed to do this for you." Or, "This is the last
time I’ll
commit myself to do this for anyone."
[10] DON’T embarrass someone when you do something for him. Be careful not
to say or do anything in the presence of others that would cause distress
to the person you are trying to help.
Shana Tov,
Rabbi Gary Greene
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